Barlow Syndrome

Posted in Life with tags , , on November 18, 2008 by Deanna Ham

     All day long today I have not felt very well.  I have been experiencing a tightness in my chest,  the feeling that my heart was skipping or adding beats and just an overall tired blah feeling.  I have had this happen before for many years now.  Tonight I was filling out paperwork for the my chiropractors visit tomorrow.  In it they ask about any hereditary conditions.  So I call my mom and she tells me about Barlows Syndrome.  Now she has mentioned this to me before but I thought she made it up.  You see my mom’s maiden name is Barlow so I thought she made this thing up and named it.  After we hung up I get on the internet and low and behold it exists.  Barlow Syndrome aka mitral valve prolapse aka click murmur syndrome is a real condition and guess what  some of the symptoms are…you guessed it heart palpitations, fatigue, shortness of breath, dizzieness, anxiety, migranes, chest pains etc.  These are things that I experience every now and again.  I also read alot of the comments from people diagnosed with MVP.  Many people have more frequent symptoms.  Some last only a few seconds and some last for days.   For me it don’t happen all too often and varies on how long it lasts.  When it first started happening it only lasted a few seconds now it last alot longer.  And if this isn’t a shocker  caffeine can have an affect.  I am ging to switch to decaf coffee.  (Can’t cut it out al together) Ha Ha.  First I would like to say sorry mom for thinking you’d make that up and secondly wow it is nice to have an idea of what is going on.  I remember not too long after having my first child I went to the hospital with chest pains and pain radiating down my left arm.  After running test and ekgs or whatever you call them the doctor told my he couldn’t find anything and that it was caused from me carrying my baby on the left side.  Yeah right is what I thought then and now I really do think it.  I will make an appointment and discuss this with a physician though but I feel alot better about what I have been experiencing. 


The Little things

Posted in From the Heart with tags , , , , on October 16, 2008 by Deanna Ham

     I just realized that I have ministered to others in the little things that happen from day to day.  The other evening I had an employee of mine who is seventeen to train another person  on the register.  Her response to me was “but I am so young”.   I told her that I know she could do it and that I had all the faith in her.  I then started doing something else when holy spirit reminded me of David and how old he was when Samuel went to annoint him as the king of Israel.  When Samuel went to Jesse he saw his older sons and assumed that one of them would be the annointed one  but the Lord said “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him.  The Lord does not look at the things man looks at.  man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”  Samuel goes through all the sons but non of them were to be chosen.  David “the youngest” was sent for and Samuel annoints him for the Lord said “he is the one”.   I shared  with my employee what holy spirit reminded me of and it really gave her a lift.  And on top of that I was ministered to as well.  It reminded me to not judge by what I see because the Lord see’s it in a whole other perspective.


Posted in From the Heart on October 14, 2008 by Deanna Ham

     My sleep was haunted by memories of a time in my life where foolishness and selfishness ruled over me.  Thirteen years ago I walked out on my husband and my two small children.  And last night my mind took me to the scene when I was walking out the door and my three year old is saying “mommy don’t go”  “Mommy don’t go”.  “It’s okay baby, mommy loves you, go back inside and eat you dinner.”  I turned and the flood gates opened up.  I sat in the car and cried a good while before I could drive off.  I immediatly went and drowned my sorrows in as many mixed drinks as it took.  I was so sure that I had forgiven myself for the many mistakes I have made.  So tell  me why is the hurt and the pain as strong now as it was when it was happening?  Even as I am typing this tears are falling uncontrollably.  Can we really have forgiven ourselves and still have this strong a reaction to a distant memory.  I would like to say that they are tears of joy because I know what God has done for me and how far He has taken me but I can’t.  It is sorrow, and pain, and hurt, and guilt.  Are these the consequences of my actions?  Maybe so.  Thank God I have His word to comfort me!

                                “for His anger last only a moment, but His favor lasts a lifetime;  weeping may remain for a night but rejoicing comes in the morning” Ps 30:5

                                 “You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing to you and not be silent.  Oh Lord my God I will give you thanks forever!” Ps 30:11-12

Let Go and Let God

Posted in Life on October 14, 2008 by Deanna Ham

     A few days ago a friend of mine called me crying and sobbing.  She’s been dealing with alot of things in her life.  Being a single mom she works long hours to support her family.  She’s been trying to do other side things to make a better life for her children.  I would say that 98% of the time her focus has been her children and not herself.   Anyway she has made some bad decisions here recently that have brought about some serious consequences.  Not to mention the guilt she feels.  It has really taken a toll on her.  But she said to me through her tears why is this happening to me?  What have I done so wrong in my life?  I am a good person.  Why do I feel this way?  Why can’t I fix this?  She feels like she no longer has no control over her life.  I say that is a good place to be.  When we are at a point where we no longer think there is anything else we can do to fix things yep that is where we are able to say…”God I give it to you.  I can not fix this.  I can’t do anything but say God take this from me.  Fix it.”  In our weakness He is made strong.  I believe God brings us to that place where we can no longer even try to do it on our own.  Lord show us how to let go and Let God!

Being Real

Posted in From the Heart on October 14, 2008 by Deanna Ham

    Being real, what does it mean to you?  I’ve been told before “Deanna, you’re so real!”.  I have to laugh because I am the same loud mouth in church as I am outside of church.  I have my foot in my mouth as often in church as I do outside of church.  I don’t try to pretend to be someone or something I’m not just because I am in church.  Why just this past sunday my husband felt the need to remind me that we were in church.  And I of coarse said…SO!  But something I am guilty of is pretending to be okay when I am not.  Pretending that I have it all together when I do not.  We tend to not want to burden others with our problems.  They probably have enough to worry about themselves.   Or we are embarrased to admit that we are not perfect.  Well DUH!  Who is perfect.  The bible tells us to “carry each others burdens , and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” Gal 6:2.  We gather together as a family to be renewed, rejuvinated and equiped to be the salt and light in the world.  So anytime that things are not okay.  Let us help.  Anytime things aren’t going right let us pray for you.  Thanks Helen for reminding us how important it is for us to relly on each other.

     Now how about being real in the world.  Do you do the same thing at your job.  Do you hide behind a lie that your life is perfect.  You have no problems and no worries.  No, I’m not saying you should tell the world all the details of your life.  But I do think if we are going to reach people for Christ they need to see the real deal.  They need to know that we are not perfect, our lives are not perfect, our children are not perfect and that we don’t always have all the answers or have it all together all the time.  I believe they need to know that we struggle from time to time.  That sometimes we even fall.  They need to know this so they can see that God picks us back up again.  That God forgives us.  That god makes us overcomers in any situation.  They need to see us going through a trial to see us come out of it and they need to see that it was God that did it.  That to me is real.

What do you see?

Posted in From the Heart on September 25, 2008 by Deanna Ham

     I was reading in Matthew last night and came across the chapter where Jesus is walking beside the Sea of Galilee.  He sees two brothers, Simon (Peter) and Andrew casting a net into the lake.  He calls to them, “Come, Follow me and I will make you fishers of men”Ma 4:19  And at once they left their nets and followed Jesus.  Further along they come across another set of brothers, James and John.  They were in their boat along with their father preparing their nets.  Jesus calls to them and they immediatly left the boat and their father and followed Him.

     Now I ask you this question .  What makes a man leave his family or his job?  What makes him leave behind all that he has ever known to follow someone he has never met before?  They would’ve had to have seen something so special in Jesus.  The jewish people believed in the coming of the Messiah.  Did they know upon seeing Him that He was the Messiah?  What did they “see” to make them just drop it all in an instant?    I asked Brett what his thoughts were and he said that it was what was in His eyes.  That they seen the light in his eyes and that the power of Holy Spirit was upon Him in such a way that it was like revelation to the fishermen.  I wonder if they even knew what Jesus was talking about when He told them that He would make them fishers of men. 

    So here is what the Lord is dealing with in me. It is over two thousand years later and we are the ones who are to be fishers of men.   Surely I don’t go up to complete strangers and say hey you come follow me.  How about you give your life to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ!  They would probably look at me like I am a crazy person who needs to be institutionalized.  I beleive there has to be something in me that draws that person to listen and most importantly to accept the truth of Jesus.  When people look at me what do they see.  What kind of Jesus am I portraying?  My desire is for Jesus to be so powerful in me that when people see me they will recognize him.  That Jesus would be so big in me that I won’t have to get into a lengthy discussion about why or how but all I say is come and people will come to the saving knowledge of Christ.

     Right now I’d say I have a long way to go.  I have days where people can see Jesus in me but then I have days that if I told you I was a follower of Christ you’d probably laugh and say yeah right.  Okay that may be a bit of an exaggeration but that is just how I feel.  I want to get to a place where you can’t see me at all because you are blinded by the light of Christ.  Get me there God  Take my there Lord!  Whatever it takes do it. There is no time to lose.  I am ready!  Who else is with me?  Let’s Go!  Let your light shine bright in us Lord!

It’s been a while

Posted in From the Heart on September 20, 2008 by Deanna Ham

Hey there guys.  I have not written a thing since May.  Have I been that busy?  I guess…  Well I have something to say…finally!:)  The other day I was traveling with some of my coworkers and my boss to a meeting in Hickory.  The discussion of where to eat for lunch came up and I of coarse being of an agreeable nature said anywhere would be fine with me except McDonalds.  When asked why I explained that the company is an advocate for gay and lesbian rights and give money and their support to that community.  In response to my statement I got a “you must be reading out of a different bible.”  And other comments Like “I seem to recall you having alot of those people working for you” and “You can’t be like that”  I felt attacked and in trying to explain my position I couldn’t get a word in edgewise so I just didn’t try anymore.  But the more I think about it the more it angers me that they would think I would mean that I hated those who live that kind of lifestyle.  Or looked down on them in anyway.  Because I don’t.  First and foremost let me share with you where I stand.  “My bible” (which the one I have at my side right now is the king james version and the New International version) says in Genesis 2:21-24 And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept:and He took one of his ribs, and He closed up the flesh instead thereof; And the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made He a woman, and brought her unto the man.  And Adam said, this is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called woman, because she was taken out of a man.  Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.  Lev 20:13 says If a man lies with a man as one lies with a woman, both of them has done what is detestable.  They must be put to death…” (NIV) The King James version uses the word abomination.  1Cor 6:9-11 says “Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God?  Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor male prostitutes, nor homosexual offenders, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor slanderes, not swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.  And that is what some of you were.  But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the spirit of our God.”(NIV)  There are many different translations but only One true word of God which is where I get my truth from…  So I do read the same bible as you!   So here is where I stand…I hate sin.  And sin is sin no matter what it is.  I don’t hate the sinner. This is very important for you to understand.  My point is this.  Homosexuality is classified in the bible along with any other sin which is what it is… a sin.  I have worked with several homosexuals many of which I hired myself.  I did not condemn them for thier lifestyle nor did I treat them any differently than anyone else.  My heart is to see people set free like I was.  My purpose is to live my life in a way that witnesses to others.   I am not perfect, for we have all sinned and have fallen short of the glory of God and believe you me I have done my share of falling therefore I try not to judge others.  I believe God can and will wash, sanctify , and justify all who seek his forgiveness.  He did me.  But all I am saying is you don’t hear about corporations funding “Murderers Across America or The Greater Wilmington Purse Snatchers local 105.  If you do then you all need to call me and I just may change my mind…No I won’t!

The Journey

Posted in Uncategorized on August 20, 2015 by Deanna Ham

Well hello there blogging world. It has been a while!  I believe the last thing I wrote was in 2008. It is amazing how life can catapult you into the future before you had the chance to enjoy the moments of the past if that makes any sence.   Life just goes a little too fast. It gets a little too congested.   In this day and age we tend to put a lot on our plate then look back and think where did the time go?  What did I do  during this time.  I haven’t signed onto this site for seven years!!!! SEVEN. What have I been doing?  Working working and then, you guessed it, more work.

There have been fun times along the way though. We have reached some milestones that we all look forward to reaching in life.  Brett switched jobs which moved us back to Fayetteville. He really loves it and the people he works with!  All our kids have left the nest!  We have two grandbabies, Robert 2 yrs old and Nora 16 mos.  We wish we could spend more time with them. It has been 8 months since seeing Nora. She is up in Michigan which is too fat away!  I am just saying. Anyway being back in Fayetteville has allowed us to be near our family and spend more time with them. We lost Brett’s mom back in November just one week before thanksgiving and we are so thankful for being able to be with her. We have also been able to come to my dads rescue a couple of times.  Confession…I left Wilmington kicking and screaming on the inside while repeating the words “I will trust you Lord” to myself but not sure I fully believed it. But I do know. I know that God has a plan and a purpose for us all and we need to let things go and let Him move on our behalf.

As most of you know I have been working for Dollar Tree going on 18 years now.  I don’t want to say that I hate it but I have not been happy for a long time.  Right now I work at one out of town so I commute fifty minutes one way.  I ask myself why am I still here? I have applied at other places to no avail.  Sometimes I think this is what I know…I don’t have this education or that experience….you know the typical lies the enemy drills in your head to hold you back. Brett is always encouraging and believes in me more than I do and reminds me that God qualifies me!  (Side note: I love my husband!  He is the absolute best!)  Anyway I really want to be doing what I love and not be miserable. Not to mention the toll it is taking on my body. I won’t be able to do this work forever so I have been looking. I am always looking. What can I do God to make money to live, to give and to be happy???

In Jan this year having made it out of the Christmas season still standing (barely) I read a Facebook post from a friend of mine that said something along the lines of “are you tired of sitting on the sidelines?” Contact her for info. She had reached out to me the previous summer and I blew her off. Two more times she reached out and two more times I ignored it. But something was different this time around. This time I saw the value in what she had to say and what she had to offer.  I saw the effects on my pastor and his wife as well as their daughter in law. So after talking it over with Brett I made an investment in my future.

I became a partner in a health and wellness company. I started taking the products and started to see and feel the results immediately. I had lost weight, my pain in my hip and leg which I would have on every trip home from work went away. I gained energy and endurance. And the big thing was how I felt after working a long day and unloading a truck. I was amazed and literally thought to myself that this was going to be easy!  Who wouldn’t want these phenomenal products. Boy was I way off. I could barely get a customer let alone a partner!  On my 1st launch call there was zero people! ZILCH! Ouch. Talk about a punch in the gut. I was tempted to throw in the towel right there!  But I didn’t. So I rolled up my sleeves and got to work. Making call after call only to get voicemail after voicemail. And if I did happen to get through and would schedule a follow up call I would be met with, you guessed it, a voicemail. I have gotten very good at what we call take away calls!  I think to myself why am I doing this. Why don’t I just give up and focus my energy on something else?  #1 I have people in my life (some are new faces! ) who believe in me and 2# I know I am called to do great things and if Jesus gave up when the going got hard we’d all be bound for hell.

So I have started down this road of self discovery and personal development. God is working on me and in me as only He can. He is stretching me and challenging me and I love it and hate it at the same time.   To be honest when I started in this new business my motivation behind the decision was to make enough money to get out of debt and replace my current income so I can quit. And though those are still important to me the thing that makes me want to stick it out is when you have someone sending you a message thanking you for leading them to a product that has turned their life from just existing to actually living. That right there folks is powerful and if I had not gotten back in the game after quiting  for the hundredth time that might never have happened!  The feeling that you get from a message like that is better than any monetary compensation ever!   So that is my story for now. Until next be blessed and be a blessing. Encourage don’t discourage. Guard your tongue and take every thought captive!

No nap for me

Posted in Uncategorized on October 19, 2008 by Deanna Ham

     I always look forward to a sunday afternoon nap.  I can sleep all day.  But today I decided that no matter how sleepy I think I am I am not going to waste such a beautiful afternoon indoors undercovers.  Brett and I are going for a leisurely stroll in the neighborhood, maybe to the park and then when we get back I am going to make cupcakes.  Yummy yummy cupcakes!  Okay here we go…I’ll be back!