No nap for me

     I always look forward to a sunday afternoon nap.  I can sleep all day.  But today I decided that no matter how sleepy I think I am I am not going to waste such a beautiful afternoon indoors undercovers.  Brett and I are going for a leisurely stroll in the neighborhood, maybe to the park and then when we get back I am going to make cupcakes.  Yummy yummy cupcakes!  Okay here we go…I’ll be back!

The Little things

     I just realized that I have ministered to others in the little things that happen from day to day.  The other evening I had an employee of mine who is seventeen to train another person  on the register.  Her response to me was “but I am so young”.   I told her that I know she could do it and that I had all the faith in her.  I then started doing something else when holy spirit reminded me of David and how old he was when Samuel went to annoint him as the king of Israel.  When Samuel went to Jesse he saw his older sons and assumed that one of them would be the annointed one  but the Lord said “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him.  The Lord does not look at the things man looks at.  man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”  Samuel goes through all the sons but non of them were to be chosen.  David “the youngest” was sent for and Samuel annoints him for the Lord said “he is the one”.   I shared  with my employee what holy spirit reminded me of and it really gave her a lift.  And on top of that I was ministered to as well.  It reminded me to not judge by what I see because the Lord see’s it in a whole other perspective.

memories

     My sleep was haunted by memories of a time in my life where foolishness and selfishness ruled over me.  Thirteen years ago I walked out on my husband and my two small children.  And last night my mind took me to the scene when I was walking out the door and my three year old is saying “mommy don’t go”  “Mommy don’t go”.  “It’s okay baby, mommy loves you, go back inside and eat you dinner.”  I turned and the flood gates opened up.  I sat in the car and cried a good while before I could drive off.  I immediatly went and drowned my sorrows in as many mixed drinks as it took.  I was so sure that I had forgiven myself for the many mistakes I have made.  So tell  me why is the hurt and the pain as strong now as it was when it was happening?  Even as I am typing this tears are falling uncontrollably.  Can we really have forgiven ourselves and still have this strong a reaction to a distant memory.  I would like to say that they are tears of joy because I know what God has done for me and how far He has taken me but I can’t.  It is sorrow, and pain, and hurt, and guilt.  Are these the consequences of my actions?  Maybe so.  Thank God I have His word to comfort me!

                                “for His anger last only a moment, but His favor lasts a lifetime;  weeping may remain for a night but rejoicing comes in the morning” Ps 30:5

                                 “You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing to you and not be silent.  Oh Lord my God I will give you thanks forever!” Ps 30:11-12

Let Go and Let God

     A few days ago a friend of mine called me crying and sobbing.  She’s been dealing with alot of things in her life.  Being a single mom she works long hours to support her family.  She’s been trying to do other side things to make a better life for her children.  I would say that 98% of the time her focus has been her children and not herself.   Anyway she has made some bad decisions here recently that have brought about some serious consequences.  Not to mention the guilt she feels.  It has really taken a toll on her.  But she said to me through her tears why is this happening to me?  What have I done so wrong in my life?  I am a good person.  Why do I feel this way?  Why can’t I fix this?  She feels like she no longer has no control over her life.  I say that is a good place to be.  When we are at a point where we no longer think there is anything else we can do to fix things yep that is where we are able to say…”God I give it to you.  I can not fix this.  I can’t do anything but say God take this from me.  Fix it.”  In our weakness He is made strong.  I believe God brings us to that place where we can no longer even try to do it on our own.  Lord show us how to let go and Let God!

Being Real

    Being real, what does it mean to you?  I’ve been told before “Deanna, you’re so real!”.  I have to laugh because I am the same loud mouth in church as I am outside of church.  I have my foot in my mouth as often in church as I do outside of church.  I don’t try to pretend to be someone or something I’m not just because I am in church.  Why just this past sunday my husband felt the need to remind me that we were in church.  And I of coarse said…SO!  But something I am guilty of is pretending to be okay when I am not.  Pretending that I have it all together when I do not.  We tend to not want to burden others with our problems.  They probably have enough to worry about themselves.   Or we are embarrased to admit that we are not perfect.  Well DUH!  Who is perfect.  The bible tells us to “carry each others burdens , and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” Gal 6:2.  We gather together as a family to be renewed, rejuvinated and equiped to be the salt and light in the world.  So anytime that things are not okay.  Let us help.  Anytime things aren’t going right let us pray for you.  Thanks Helen for reminding us how important it is for us to relly on each other.

     Now how about being real in the world.  Do you do the same thing at your job.  Do you hide behind a lie that your life is perfect.  You have no problems and no worries.  No, I’m not saying you should tell the world all the details of your life.  But I do think if we are going to reach people for Christ they need to see the real deal.  They need to know that we are not perfect, our lives are not perfect, our children are not perfect and that we don’t always have all the answers or have it all together all the time.  I believe they need to know that we struggle from time to time.  That sometimes we even fall.  They need to know this so they can see that God picks us back up again.  That God forgives us.  That god makes us overcomers in any situation.  They need to see us going through a trial to see us come out of it and they need to see that it was God that did it.  That to me is real.